Life isn't shitty, I know that much. But right now I feel like a bad time is about to come. Why? Well… my uncle who is my neighbor and owner of the place where I live had an accident a couple of years back, one of those where people thinks you won't get alive of it, yet he did. Between the consequences of it and years of not taking care of himself… Kidneys  failing and treatment for that and many other things required.

But today I found out that on Monday he will undergo surgery as he has less than 5% of one of his kidney functional and the other basically shut off already. No, he isn't going to receive a transplant because he doesn't have a donor nor is a suitable candidate for it due to his other… conditions to say the least. Hypertension, diabetes and some others.

Funny thing, when I found out because my mother told me over the phone, she asked me if he had said something to me about it yet, and obviously he hadn't, so she goes and says: "He doesn't want to worry you and he is scared, he knows you went through something hard last time with him –accident, one day I might just write the story-, and doesn't want to worry you". I had to hung up with my Mother because my uncle was joining me for supper as I made chicken soup and invited him over to eat as sometimes I do during the weekends.

I've been trying to remain calm, I wish to cry but I just seem to be unable to do so. Less than two weeks ago my heart was broken and now it is just… constricted by this sadness and worry that even if the "procedure" is "safe and simple" he will go downhill from here. We don't know yet if he will have only dialysis or hemodialysis, he has to give up on his dogs which have been his mane company for as long as I can remember because he won't be able to even pet them not even be close to them –we are obviously still going to take care of them but it's just sad to know the pets will be confined to another part of the house away from him because knowing those dogs and how much they love my uncle… they will just jump to him and lick him and get fur all over him.

Damnation, I can't even write anymore. Yeah, sob story for you but I needed to let this out, tomorrow I've to smile again. I was taking care of him this evening because with the problem he has he got dizzy and nauseous, his blood isn't "clean" anymore and I don't know what's going to happen.

Tomorrow my mom and my aunt, who are my uncle's siblings will come to stay over here and help to take care of him as he will stay at least one week at the hospital after intervention. God grant me patience and strength because I'll honestly need it. I know this will be a painful and discouraging situation for all of us in my family and just hope it will end for the best.